The Profile

 

My playlist today, was playing the soundtrack from the film ‘Begin Again’ one of my favourite films; both for its beautiful style and the soundtrack has become my album of choice. I also want to look like Keira Knightly all the time, her style is effortlessly chic in the movie. A point critics did not address…The film from the analytical skills I acquired in my three years of further study, I feel tells the story of a girl (Knightley) overcoming and dealing with her break up by recording an album with a fired record producer. An album that is just sublime. I’m not dealing with a break up, thankfully never had to deal with one, the perks of being a long term singleton.
However, the album and film, in fact, has inspired me to reveal what I would write on a dating profile whether it be online or through an app if I could be really honest. I get asked so many times what I look for and at those times I say the usual things but these are those extras we would like to speak of but just don’t want to reveal. So honest, I might not get a match let alone a swipe. So hold on, for some candid requirements.

 

1) MUST LIKE TAKING PHOTOS

I’m not talking about taking selfie’s at every opportunity or taking photos of us together, I am talking about photos of my outfit when we go out, candid photos of the cocktail’s we’re drinking and basically becoming an asset to this lovely blogging world. Currently my Mums partner, Auntie and my Sister make great photographers but if you can take a decent photo then that would be wonderful. It’s not being vain, I don’t think? It’s being sensible and using all assets on hand. I, of course, will love the male chap with all my heart and love them even more if the photo captures the highlight and contour. Insert the winky face. Anyway, you’d get a mention in my credits.

 

2) LIKES THE GYM

All my friends who are in relationships tell me that when you get into a relationship you put weight on. Probably because you go out for meals lots, cook together or snack and drink lots of wine. This is what I am assuming happening since this is what dominates my personal Instagram. However, with dating moi, I would love it if you were to like the gym. You don’t have to be the guy who stands taking photos of his guns in the gym not actually working out but would be nice if you liked the gym. I love the gym, I happen to go up to four times a week so if you like this hobby to that would be great. If you like spin, even better; not expecting you to have spinning shoes like myself but if you like it then great.

 

3) LOOKS AFTER HIMSELF

A guy who doesn’t look after his skin or appearance is immediately a write off. I love my skincare routine which is evident since I explode when Liz Earle releases a new product. So, enjoy the regimes in life such as skincare as it’s a great thing and something I have a keen eye for. Everyone gets the odd spot, hell I have a growth the size of mars on the side of my nose but I deal with a spot. If you can’t look after your skin then we may as well end now..

 

4) DRESS WELL

Dressing well, I think is my top seller for any bloke and something I should advertise when I’m out dancing in clubs and bars. If you do not know how to dress yourself then leave my vincity, do not swipe right for me, do not send me a friend request and do not tell me I’m lovely. If you grace my presence in the first few weeks in anything like tracksuits or even flip flops just leave, since this is an immediate rejection. Fashion sense, yes can be changed and worked with but with me it’s a thing I want to see some thought with, at least be dressed semi-decent so I don’t tackle your fashion sense like a degree essay. Unfollow, Unfriend and just ignore.

 

5) MUST LIKE ANYTHING PRESENTED BY RICHARD HAMMOND OR SIT THROUGH THE SHOW CONTENT

I know, that when the day comes when I’ve got a male chap by my side I shouldn’t be sat dribbling at the telly if Richard Hammond happens to be wearing navy and tan since I’ll have his young double sat next to me. However, I can assure you, if you don’t like The Grand Tour or the old Top Gear (the good stuff) or just the programmes the Hamster presented then please, it’s a NO. If you don’t like Jeremy Clarkson’s sense of humour or Alan Partridge’s then this could be an issue too…FYI.

 

6) MUST ENJOY KYLIE MINOGUE AND MADONNA CONCERTS/MUSIC

I find very few men who will like Kylie Minogue/Madonna and her banging tunes but this is a great seller. I’ve been very fortunate that every time I’ve seen these iconic women perform in concerts, my Dad has accompanied me and deep deep down has enjoyed his time but if you can like the bangers or attend the concerts that is a huge winner. I’m not expecting you to be able to associate songs with music videos and outfits or tours like I do but liking the odd song here and there would be wonderful.

 

7) DOGS

I have 2 canines, Norman and Fernando. These are my favourite boys and will probably be at the top of this list for a long time since they love a spoon and a conversation. Or the conversation is with me, talking to them and then impersonating a dog voice…  (Not a full time hobby BTW).

 

8) CAN PARK A CAR

If you drive, even better. It’s not a deal breaker but if you can park really well without reversing into things then great. I can’t park my Fiat 500 and often rely on the passenger usually my Dad or my Mum’s partner to help park my car in busy areas so if you can park, BRILL!

 

9) MUST NOT OWN A BIRD

I have a legit phobia of birds, any bird of any size and shape. Even the small ones. So much so, if there is a pigeon on the same walk way as me I cross the road. Or wait, until it’s flown off before continuing my journey. Therefore, if you have a pet bird, then we may as well not a start date because I won’t be coming round for Netflix and chill. Its one bird, and preferably the one wearing red lipstick and something polka dot (hint; that bird is moi)

 

What would you put on your dating profile if you were being totally honest?

 

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