A few backs back, I revealed to the readers of this cornerstone my health had taken a down spiral. I was receiving treatment for what my doctors believed was a vitamin deficiency, a deficiency in B12. The vitamin which controls blood levels and the DNA cells, as you can see my knowledge of blood and medical topics isn’t my strongest so I’ll wing it. I’m winging medical terminology like my University seminars where I had forgot to read the last chapter of a text….get me? I was receiving incredibly painful injections twice a week for five weeks and hadn’t noticed any difference but had been referred to a neurologist who would treat me further. Yesterday, I had the consultation for this and felt I wanted to discuss the outcome because writing about my health both mentally and physically is sometimes easier than being vocal to friends and family.
I am very fortunate to have private health care which meant I could fast track my referral and be seen slightly quicker. I discussed in previous posts about my symptoms which range from; constant tiredness which is horrendous. I need a nap after most activities and am relying on the caffeine in green tea to keep me wide awake and with it. I also feel spaced out which means mentally I’m away with the fairies but physically am with you. The most annoying symptom is the constant tingling in my hands, feet and legs. I’ve described it to family as having pins and needles in these places all the time or that feeling you have in your feet during a long-haul flight. Very uncomfortable and very annoying.
So yesterday, I saw my consultant who was not like Patrick Dempsey. I’ve watched far too much Greys Anatomy and so was expecting all neurologists to look and be like McDreamy. She did the usual examination things, using an instrument to tap every body part, I felt like a scientific experiment also being asked lots of questions. I would’ve loved the questions if I was on some chat show promoting my television show not about my health and how I was sleeping, walking and feeling in my hands. The consultant also had my blood test results. I can now reveal that my B12 has never been low and has never been the problem and the neurology team were baffled as to why I’ve been on this treatment. Also learning, that gluten has never been a problem, potentially when I’ve had reactions to food it could have been B12 related or hormone related not gluten. So, I’m off to eat a tone load of bread.
Instead of a B12 issue, I in fact have a problem with my nerves. Nerve damage in my hands and feet and is called peripheral neuropathy. This has caused me to lose some sensation in my hands and feet so cannot feel certain touches and have trouble walking long distances. Walking around shopping centres and supermarkets is often trouble and I look like an old aged pensioner. I’m being prescribed some tablets which may help to subside the pain or the tingling sensation however I am now being referred for tests on my nerves.
I was hoping and praying that I would get to the hospital yesterday and be reassured that the symptoms were a result of the vitamin issue but to be told that was a misdiagnosis was quite saddening. I’m also at the point now where I want normality back, I want my normal things back. I’m trying to still go out whether that be to the shops or even out for coffee with grandparents but it is incredibly difficult with my condition since driving is still really uncomfortable. My ankles ache after distances longer than 10 minutes. Whenever I’ve been to the doctors, I’ve been told that anxiety or stress has caused issues but now there is something there it is worrying and has driven me insane. I wrote a few weeks back, about how I was trying to stay strong but I’m still struggling and feel that yesterday I’ve been pushed back. I’ve tried to put make up on put nice clothes on and be normal but I’m still struggling to feel myself. On a daily basis, friends and family will ask how I’m feeling and I have noticed no difference despite today not needing a nap maybe my overdose in caffeine has helped. However, I don’t feel myself. Perhaps still not knowing the route cause or how I can be treated for this problem is the worst. I want normality, I feel like an elephant because exercise is uncomfortable so I feel like I’ve lost that body confidence I had developed because now I feel like an elephant and feel deflated. I look in the mirror and dislike what I see, so much so I’ve taken no new blog content in weeks using old material that I’ve never showcased before.
I will end this post today by saying that I will get dressed and try to perk up slightly and feel slightly more Ev like but cannot promise anything too special. So if, you see me out maybe in the high street or even posting on social media with a meme or a picture of my outfit over on Instagram don’t assume I am fixed and am recovered. I can confirm these images do not mean anything. If I analyse them, they mean that Ev is putting on a mask and trying to cover up the discomfort in her hands and feet. I’m trying to get on with normal things and be normal. I hate patient mode and don’t like pitying myself so attempting to act normal is all that I can do.
If you want to cheer me up, I’d appreciate any attention and for once crave some sympathy and have unleashed those emotions that I usually keep so quiet and do not share with anyone. I usually bottle up any tears, anger or stress but today I have unleashed it to everyone reading this and all my family and friends. Maybe if I re-watch a Scandal episode and find sassy Olivia Pope that may help or play some trance music to help boost my mood, I need something to glue me together. I feel like one of those vases you had that you glue back together and hope that if it drops it’ll be ok but I’m not K hun. I feel mentally lower than Flo-Rida’s apple bottom jeans. If someone could have given me a tablet or an injection that would give me the sensation back and the tingling to vanish I’d accept it right now along with a massive porn star martini.
(THROWBACK TO GRADUATION, THE BETTER DAYS)