I Compare thee to Nobody


In a world where how many likes, followers and views our stories have received dictates our moods- it’s no wonder why we spend a significant part of our lives comparing our lives to someone we see on social media. In most cases, we compare our lives to people on social who we don’t even know, we only follow or simply are browsing over since they were the last girl your crush was obsessing over. The girl whose images will always have a like from your crush at that time. At that moment in time, you forget all future hopes with that one guy. In this digital age, where we know constantly what’s going on with our pals it seems only normal that we compare ourselves to anyone and everyone constantly, daily. However, today I pledge to the few thousand, yes thousand who might read this that I will leave the comparison to GCSE students- who are comparing war poetry for their English exams…

Here is the process, Step 1: You click on the persons account, let’s call her Selene. Selene is a year older than you, she’s just simply everything you want in your life.

The fancy brunches, the fancy cocktails and just looks flawless in every picture. Step 2: You see that Selene has uploaded a picture in the last 24 hours so, you just take a gander at her picture. Zooming in, zooming back out of it, questioning why you don’t look like that, asking what filter is being used to look that good in that pose because when you attempt that same pose- you look like a pregnant baby elephant, Step 3, you stop. Step 4, you go through your feed from the last year and question, nit-pic and ask why your bum isn’t that perky, why your Samsung S8 doesn’t have that portrait mode and lastly why you don’t look that good in all your pictures. Step 5, you feel rubbish, any sense of self-worth you had is just shrivelled up, disappeared just like the guy you thought was a dreamboat. He’s ghosted you in the same way that your self-worth and confidence has been ghosted.

Unfollow and Mute: I’m not a fan of unfriending, I think currently there has to be a real reason to feel the need to unfriend. For me, I unfriend, when I need to remove the negativity from my life in favour of unfriending the guy I’ve got the hump with or an old friend. To deal with the issue, instead, I unfollow or mute both of which apply to Instagram and Facebook. The mute feature, on Instagram becoming used almost as much as my like button. I feel that by unfollowing and muting those who don’t inspire you, who don’t give encourage you to feel positive about yourself need to be taken off your feeds; since you spend a big portion of your time on these platforms. Therefore, the accounts, you need to be associating with need to inspire you and make you feel good about yourself. We all compare ourselves, we all do it and are all guilty of it but is it normal for those you follow on social media to be making you feel deflated with your own appearance? No. We know that if our accounts were making others feel poor about their lives/appearances/bodies we would all stop sharing our boomerangs of our martinis, our banging bodies and just banging lives wouldn’t we? However, we live in a culture, that considers a daily commentary of your life to be the norm. However, for me to feel good and for me to stop comparing myself to women I don’t even know, I need to mute and remove myself from their following. I recommend you do the same for the same ego boost.

Stay in the present, don’t look back: This is something I’m trying to imbed into my daily life because this is the practise that I have obtained whilst undergoing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. A topic that I discussed a few weeks back, you can read that post here. My therapist, was a superstar and I can’t thank her enough for the treatment and just general work she did with me to try and reconstruct my thoughts feelings and general ways of thinking. I was taught and I try now, to practice that unless there is evidence in the present for that to be a worry or negative thought then it shouldn’t be there now. It takes time, but it involves being strict and trying to change the way you think. It involves, removing the what ifs and should haves. Let’s paint the picture, you’re looking at this girl whose got the banging body, boyfriend and goes to brunch more times than you have hot dinner- she looks incredible. You’re sat there, thinking what if I had done this or that or maybe you sit there and say should have done this should have. You must live in the present, the present is telling you that there is no evidence to support such negative thought processes. Thus, you can remove the thought and focus on the present. The present, encourages you to stop comparing yourself to people you don’t know.

Love Yourself: I’ve touched on this multiple time and in multiple posts I’ve written about being single and accepting this singleton life. For me, being single isn’t something I am ashamed of. Yes, it bothers me when my friends are all in long term relationships and yes it bothers me when I get ghosted by another fella I thought was going to be my equivalent of Mr Darcy. However, to stop making comparisons between myself and others who might be single too or in relationships for that matter- I’ve started to just love myself. I think, you have to be fully ok in your own skin, your own body, your own clothes and just your own life. I said this at a party when the conversation got rather heated about by relationship status, I think it’s good spin but also just quite right and something I preach to my few single friends and readers. If you are single, you need to focus on yourself, be happy with your own skin, hair, eyes, body, boobs, bum and just self. When you are fully happy with yourself both internally, mentally and physically then you can be good. In my opinion, how can you expect someone else to do that, or expect everyone to be comparing themselves to you, when you don’t love yourself? If you love yourself and don’t need the validation from your followers, family, friends or a jumped up little male then life is a-ok?

I think it’s all well and good, joking about saying ‘oh look at her hair, or have you seen her latest post where she’s stood like this or have you seen her selfie’ all these are great and quite harmless to be honest. But what happens, when you spend your entire existence on social media comparing yourself to others? You don’t live your own life but someone else’s.

I Evan Francis pledge to stop comparing myself to other girls, women and other people whether it’s comparing appearances, heights, bodies or just lifestyles. I will stop doing this. I will focus on my own wellbeing, my own life and my own happiness. I will stop, trying to be what I think as ‘good as?’ to feel better about myself. I will, instead, live in the present, live in the now. I will focus on everything that is in my life at that moment and live for the now. I will focus on me, I will be me and not let anyone make me feel bad for self-love, feeling good about myself or just feeling positive in my own skin.

How will you stop comparing yourself to others?

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